It’s Halloween, that magical time of year when we cast our inhibitions aside and embrace our inner naughtiness. Or it would be, if this were a normal year. But 2020 is decidedly not normal, which puts a damper on our typical Halloween shenanigans. Most places won’t have trick or treating or parties or haunted houses thanks to COVID-19. But the threat of a pandemic can’t stop our favorite Halloween costume retailer Yandy from cranking out some new sexy Halloween costumes designed just for this cursed year.
The good folks at Yandy have never met a challenge they couldn’t wrap in spandex and spin into an inappropriate costume idea. We would expect nothing less from the company that created such classics as Sexy Slenderman, Sexy Poop Emoji, and Sexy Mr. Rogers.
Yandy knows that Halloween is all about horniness, despite the giant boner-killer that is 2020. Here’s some of their best/worst 2020 looks:
Sexy Tiger King
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! Remember 10 million years ago when the country was enamored with the white trash wild animal saga of Tiger King? Now you can recreate the fun at home with this “Tiger Queen” costume and these two cat costumes. Although if you’re going to do couples costumes, you won’t do better than Joe Exotic’s threeway marriage or this Carol Baskin wedding photo that defies description.
Sexy Healthcare Worker
Sure, sexy nurse is a Halloween classic, but this year has given us a renewed focus and appreciation for our frontline healthcare workers. Yandy is on top of it, with multiple sexy nurse options, including one wielding a giant syringe. Does that syringe contain the COVID-19 vaccine or just grain alcohol? Only your doctor knows for sure.
Continuing with their pandemic trend, Yandy is offering up “banana bread boredom” (bowl not included), hand sanitizer (which appears to be a bathing suit under plastic wrap), and of course, murder hornets. No sign of “sexy sourdough starter” anywhere, which is ironic because most of these costumes guarantee a yeast infection. BOO! But seriously, “bored banana bread” is definitely a top pick if you, like me, are spending Halloween drunk on your kitchen floor. TOPICAL.
Sexy Copyright Infringement
Knock-off pop culture costumes are always a treat: after all, who doesn’t want to dress up as Hermanniny, Chogborts student? Yandy is no exception, offering up “Sail Her Boom”, “Poise N. Ivy”, and “Comic Vixen”. Perfect for those times you can’t purchase licensed costumes because you’ve been banned from every Spirit Halloween in the tri-state area. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Sexy For The Gays
Given Yandy’s devotion to horny heteronormativity, I was pleasantly surprised to see these queer-positive costume options. After all, why shouldn’t men be just as objectified as women? Do they not yearn for spandex nonsense that speaks to them? Do they not dream of their own sexy yet problematic costumes? I want to live in an America where LGBTQ+ folks have just as many bad costume options as straight people do.
Wishing you and yours a happy and horny Halloween!
(featured image: Yandy)
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