Well, you can’t have a presidential election without an October surprise or two.
And since 2020 is the most bonkers year anyone can recall, it stands to reason that this year’s last-minute twists would be the most ridiculous of all time!
By now, we’re sure you’ve heard all about Hunter Biden’s laptop and the revelation that he’s the first person in recorded history to fall asleep in the middle of a crack binge.
Now, the tables are being turned, and we’re learning some insider gossip about the Trump family courtesy of someone who’s spent a good deal of time working under — and top of — Donald Trump Jr.
Last time we checked in on her, Danity Kane singer Aubrey O’Day was allegedly the victim of some fake news herself, having disputed a British tabloid’s claim that she’d transformed into an obese shut-in during the pandemic.
Frankly, we have no idea what sort of shape Aubrey is in these days, but we do know that she’s returned to doing what she does best — spilling tea about the Donald and his hilariously dysfunctional brood.
As you may recall, Don Jr. had an affair with Aubrey while he was still married to Vanessa Haydon.
At this point, we’d like to take a moment to remind you that before she met her future husband, Vanessa cheated on her gang-banger boyfriend with Leonardo DiCaprio.
That doesn’t have anything to do with this story, really, we just like to take every opportunity to reflect on the fact that Don Jr. somehow married a badass.
Anyway, like millions of other Americans, Aubrey is disgusted by the way that Trump and his cronies are attempting to discredit Joe Biden by calling attention to Hunter’s struggle with substance abuse.
And so, during last week’s debates, she took to Twitter to share some insider info about the doughiest first family in American history.
“Since trump has now lowered this debate to trashing family,” Aubrey began before firing off a list of fun facts about the Trump clan.
“don jr HATES his father,” she tweeted, apparently having decided to kick things off with an obvious one.
“ivanka is a lesbian on the low,” O’Day continued, ramping up the stakes with admirable speed.
“eric f–ked miss universe on the apprentice board room table while with his now-wife. #Debates2020,” Aubrey concluded.
That last one’s not really surprising or consequential, but we respect Aubrey’s commitment to including all three of the Donald’s stooges while graciously showing mercy to Tiffany and Barron — as the former is mostly blameless, and the latter is an innocent victim who will likely bless us with one hell of a tell-all someday.
You might be asking yourself if Don Jr. would really share all of this information with his mistress.
We’ll respond to that query with a question of our own and ask you if DJ strikes you as the type to keep anything inside.
Look at his recent TV appearances — the man can’t even keep the coke granules from falling out of his nose, and that stuff is expensive!
Not surprisingly, the Trumps have yet to respond to Aubrey’s allegations, but they’ll probably retaliate in their own way very soon.
And by that, we mean a bunch of Twitter users with names like Raskolnikov42069 will start circulating her nudes this weekend.