Lady Gaga bravely opened up about experiencing sexual assault when she was 19 by a music producer. The singer revealed details of the traumatic event during an appearance on Prince Harry and Oprah‘s new Apple TV+ mental health docuseries, The Me You Can’t See.
In the documentary, Gaga says: “I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off.’” She said the experience led her to years of suffering.
The performer, who has not revealed the identity of the producer’s name, said, “I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realised that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner,’ she said.
In the interview, Gaga said the attack had left her physically and mentally scarred: “I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl,” Gaga said. “The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped. I’ve had so many MRIs and scans where they don’t find nothing. But your body remembers.”
Gaga detailed the long road to recovery, saying: “Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut. Think about dying. Wondering if I’m ever going to do it. I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it.”
She spoke candidly about self-harm: “You know why it’s not good to cut? ‘You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse,” she said.
“You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody, ‘Look, I’m in pain'”, however the singer said, “It doesn’t help.”
Gaga insisted she has opened up about her experiences to help others suffering.
She said: ‘I don’t tell this story for my own self-service, because, to be honest, it’s hard to tell. I feel a lot of shame about it. How do I explain to people that I have privilege, I’ve got money, I’ve got power, and I’m miserable? How do you do that? I’m not here to tell my story to you because I want anybody to cry for me. I’m good. But open your heart up for somebody else. Because I’m telling you, I’ve been through it and people need help. So, that’s part of my healing, being able to talk to you.”
Gaga has previously spoken about her mental health struggles with Oprah. Last year she took part in the hosts’s 2020 Vision: Your Life In Focus tour where she spoke about being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after being raped.
She said: “I was raped repeatedly when I was 19 years old, and I also developed PTSD as a result of being raped and also not processing that trauma.” She added, “I did not have anyone help me, I did not have a therapist, I did not have a psychiatrist, I did not have a doctor help me through it,” she said.
“I all of a sudden became a star and was travelling the world going from hotel room to garage to limo to stage, and I never dealt with it, and then all of a sudden I started to experience this incredible intense pain throughout my entire body that mimicked the illness I felt after I was raped.”
Gaga told Oprah: “Medication has helped me tremendously. I take an anti-psychotic. [If I didn’t take it] I would spiral very frequently and I would spasm in my sleep.” She also spoke about the benefits of therapy “to heal.”