What is Donald Trump up to these days? Oh, not much, just reportedly telling people he’s going to be president again by August, crashing weddings, and according to a new report from Bloomberg BusinessWeek, dropping in on memorial services and having a weirdly good time for an event honoring a dead person:
Yes, it’s strange and morbid and the odds are high he’s offended at least a few people in mourning. (“People loved Jack, said he was a great guy, though they couldn’t have loved his as much as me, your favorite president,” he’s no doubt said as the deceased’s widow sobs. “Heard he was a great guy though I never met him so I can’t say, but people said it. Would have been really broken up about what Democrats did to me I’m sure. Bet he wishes he was here to see me speaking at his funeral. Lot of nice looking ladies here that’s for sure, wonder why I wasn’t invited to any family functions before this, will have to look into that.”) Still, the dead are probably less annoyed by his uninvited presence than, say, a bride whose wedding has been hijacked by the incoherent rambling of a man who thinks it’s normal to commemorate someone’s nuptials with a speech that includes the lines, “Y’know, I just got, I turned off the news, I get all these flash reports, and they’re telling me about the border, they’re telling me about China, they’re telling me about Iran—how’re we doing with Iran, howdya like that. Boy, they were ready to make a deal, they woulda done anything, they woulda done anything, and this guy goes and drops the sanctions and then he says, ‘We’d love to negotiate now,’ [and Iran says], ‘We’re not dealing with the United States at all,’ oh, well, they don’t want to deal with us.” Which, yes, is a thing that actually happend.
On the other hand, whatever keeps his mind off of trying for another coup is arguably a good thing, though when he crashes his first bris and tries to do the mohel’s job, someone should probably say something.
Remember Michael Avenatti?
Stormy Daniels lawyer about yea high? At one point considered running for president? Was later arrested and charged with attempting to extort more than $20 million from Nike Inc., for which he was found guilty, and separately charged for embezzling money from a client and defrauding a bank? Well, his sentencing is coming up and he has some requests:
The Probation Office calculated the ex-lawyer should get 11 to 14 years in prison, according to Bloomberg, so it seems unlikely that he‘ll serve just six months. Next month, Avenatti is scheduled to go on trial for his alleged defrauding of clients—considered a big no-no in the legal profession—and alleged ripping off of banks; a third trial is scheduled for early 2022 on charges accusing him of stealing Daniels’s book advance (he’s denied wrongdoing in all cases, claiming to be a target of the Trump administration.)
Caitlyn Jenner doesn’t want to “get into” the incontrovertible fact that Trump lost the election
Jeffrey Toobin returns to the public life after…y’know
Elsewhere!