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Trump Has Reportedly Been Crashing Mar-a-Lago Memorial Services Because Of Course He Has

Not surprisingly, he apparently also overstays his welcome.

What is Donald Trump up to these days? Oh, not much, just reportedly telling people he’s going to be president again by August, crashing weddings, and according to a new report from Bloomberg BusinessWeek, dropping in on memorial services and having a weirdly good time for an event honoring a dead person:

He’ll show up to anything. In recent weeks, Trump has popped into engagement parties and memorial services. A Mar-a-Lago member who recently attended a club gathering for a deceased friend was surprised when Trump sauntered in to deliver remarks and then hung around, apparently enjoying himself. This insular feedback loop, amplified by the worshipful validation he gets for doing Newsmax or OAN TV hits, doesn’t appear likely to diminish as he settles into his New Jersey golf club for the summer and prepares to resume his trademark rallies. “Donald Trump needs the adulation of the crowd the way you or I need oxygen to breathe,” says Michael Cohen, his estranged former lawyer. By all accounts, Trump’s life after the White House doesn’t resemble that of a typical ex-president so much as a foreign monarch cast into exile—like Napoleon at Elba, but with golf and a bigger buffet.

Yes, it’s strange and morbid and the odds are high he’s offended at least a few people in mourning. (“People loved Jack, said he was a great guy, though they couldn’t have loved his as much as me, your favorite president,” he’s no doubt said as the deceased’s widow sobs. “Heard he was a great guy though I never met him so I can’t say, but people said it. Would have been really broken up about what Democrats did to me I’m sure. Bet he wishes he was here to see me speaking at his funeral. Lot of nice looking ladies here that’s for sure, wonder why I wasn’t invited to any family functions before this, will have to look into that.”) Still, the dead are probably less annoyed by his uninvited presence than, say, a bride whose wedding has been hijacked by the incoherent rambling of a man who thinks it’s normal to commemorate someone’s nuptials with a speech that includes the lines, “Y’know, I just got, I turned off the news, I get all these flash reports, and they’re telling me about the border, they’re telling me about China, they’re telling me about Iran—how’re we doing with Iran, howdya like that. Boy, they were ready to make a deal, they woulda done anything, they woulda done anything, and this guy goes and drops the sanctions and then he says, ‘We’d love to negotiate now,’ [and Iran says], ‘We’re not dealing with the United States at all,’ oh, well, they don’t want to deal with us.” Which, yes, is a thing that actually happend.

On the other hand, whatever keeps his mind off of trying for another coup is arguably a good thing, though when he crashes his first bris and tries to do the mohel’s job, someone should probably say something. 

Remember Michael Avenatti?

Stormy Daniels lawyer about yea high? At one point considered running for president? Was later arrested and charged with attempting to extort more than $20 million from Nike Inc., for which he was found guilty, and separately charged for embezzling money from a client and defrauding a bank? Well, his sentencing is coming up and he has some requests:

Convicted lawyer Michael Avenatti told a New York judge he should be sentenced to no more than six months behind bars for trying to extort $25 million from Nike Inc., arguing he’d already been severely punished through unjustified stints in solitary confinement before his trial.

Avenatti, who gained a national profile while representing the adult-film actress Stormy Daniels in a lawsuit against former President Donald Trump, said in a June 9 sentencing submission that he should get credit for spending nearly five weeks alone in a cell under “inhumane” conditions…. The convicted lawyer proposed a year of home confinement in addition to the half-year prison term. Federal prosecutors in New York are due to make their recommendation by June 16. The sentencing hearing is set for June 30.

The Probation Office calculated the ex-lawyer should get 11 to 14 years in prison, according to Bloomberg, so it seems unlikely that he‘ll serve just six months. Next month, Avenatti is scheduled to go on trial for his alleged defrauding of clients—considered a big no-no in the legal profession—and alleged ripping off of banks; a third trial is scheduled for early 2022 on charges accusing him of stealing Daniels’s book advance (he’s denied wrongdoing in all cases, claiming to be a target of the Trump administration.)

Caitlyn Jenner doesn’t want to “get into” the incontrovertible fact that Trump lost the election

Jeffrey Toobin returns to the public life after…y’know

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