He may as well have been wearing a big red sign saying ‘I dare you to fight me’ – and people did try to fight him. He handled the situation well, which he was pleased about, but what he wasn’t pleased about was that he had started this process to stop the unwanted attention, and now he was still getting it, just in a different way. Good for him, though, he had the humility to look at himself and adjust his body language.
The point here is that toughness doesn’t always need to be on show; self-defence is the art of avoidance. I have met some of the most skilled people and you wouldn’t even notice them in a room. They are both unassuming and present.
This is what we need to be. We don’t need to look super-passive, because that attracts attention, and we don’t need to be super- aggressive, because that also attracts attention. We just want to be ready and able, calm and present.
‘What you feel will emit that energy.’ Kerry Howard, Therapist
Adjusting your body language is not for the benefit of others, it is for you, as the language we use, verbally or physically, affects what we think, feel and believe about ourselves. If you are interested to know what to do if someone wants to harm you physically, well, it all starts here in our thoughts. Notice when you are feeling defeated, low or sad, and try putting your shoulders back. Or, if you feel over- whelmed or frustrated, kneel on the floor, get grounded or even do some push-ups, as if you are literally pushing that feeling away from your heart’s centre.
Empowering body language
As I suggested in Chapter 2: Mental Discernment and Self-belief, show up for yourself mentally first and you will find that your body language follows. This practice has aided me to feel grounded when anxiety has arisen. Try the following:
- When walking, create a posture you would imagine yourself having if you felt totally confident and knew your own worth. Keep that position. Now imagine a string pulling your head up towards the sky. Picture a straight line running from each earlobe through your shoulders, hips and ankles. This is a firm stance, which projects confidence both internally and externally. You will look tall no matter your height and it gives an energetic shift to how you may be feeling about yourself or if you feel worried about your walk home.
- When sitting, keep your back firmly against the back of your chair. Keep your feet planted on the ground; this will allow you to get up quickly without having to lean forwards.
- Even just the motion of swinging your arms a bit more than you normally would when you’re walking can make you feel more confident, and the more confident you feel, the more confident you will look to others.