Allison Holker is giving her first interview since her husband, Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss‘ tragic death late last year. He died by suicide at the age of 40 in late December.
The couple had been married for nine years and shared three children: daughters Weslie, 14, and Zaia, 3, and son Maddox, 7.
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About his tragic passing, Allison told People in a new interview, “No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn’t want people to know. He just wanted to be everyone’s Superman and protector. It’s been really hard because I can’t understand what was happening in that moment [he died].”
“Stephen brought so much joy to this world, and he deserves to be remembered as the beautiful man he was,” she continued.
Her husband’s death took a toll on her physically. “You’re trying to help yourself and help your children and friends and family, and it took a toll. Literally getting up in the morning was getting harder and harder.” She took up cold-plunging at night, which helped her relieve tension. “It’s now a part of my daily practice. Spiritually and mentally, it’s really helped as well.”
Of their kids together, Allison said, “I’m trying to teach them — and myself — that if you’re angry or sad, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We’re coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable.”
She also recalled on one hard day recently, she stepped outside at nighttime to look at the stars. “Stars are so important to me because that’s where we believe he is. I knew I wanted to have him find peace. I was under the stars by myself and I told him, ‘I forgive you, and I hope you’re with us.’ Talking to him and expressing all those emotions of forgiveness and sadness but also love and joy was so healing.”
She also explained that she has not yet danced since his death.
“I haven’t danced yet. That’s gonna be a big step for me but I know that I’ll get there. He’s guiding me on this path,” she shared.
In Stephen’s honor, she started the Move with Kindness foundation. The mission statement reads as follows: The Move with Kindness Foundation aims to carry on the legacy of Stephen tWitch Boss by spreading love and mental health awareness
It has been a struggle for Allison for her to move forward with purpose. She reached out to a friend, Andy Grammer, for advice.
She shared, “Then I actually spoke to my friend, Andy Grammer, and I expressed to him, ‘How am I going to still live out what I know is my purpose — love and joy — and has always been my family’s purpose?’” she recalls. “He said, ‘Allison, it’s still your purpose. It just looks a bit different now — and it’s a little more depth-filled.’ I’ll never forget that conversation because I feel like I knew it inside of me, but hearing it from a friend that I still have that purpose is helping me move forward as well.”
Our continued thoughts are with Allison, their children, and all of Stephen’s friends, family, and loved ones. RIP.