Report: Trump Once Defended The Size And Shape Of His Penis To A Senior Staffer, Because He Considered That A Normal Thing To Do

After five years of books about Donald Trump, it might seem like there is truly nothing left to say about the 45th president and his time in the White House. We know he‘s insane. We know he’s corrupt. We know he thinks Hitler shouldn’t be judged by that one genocide, and that he told Mike Pence they wouldn’t be friends anymore if the VP didn’t overturn the election, and that top generals were worried he might to start a nuclear war. Could there really be anything else? Any stones unturned? Any further insight into what went down during his time in power and, terrifyingly, could happen should he somehow win a second term? And incredibly, it turns out the answer is yes. There are a few details we’d been spared but which will now and forevermore be burned into our psyches regarding, among other things, his genitalia and “Cats.” And yes, we do mean the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical based on the 1939 poetry collection Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot. 

These anecdotes come to us via the forthcoming book I’ll Take Your Questions Now, authored by former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, who also served as Melania Trump’s chief of staff. While Grisham has the distinction of having never once held a briefing with reporters, for which she deserves our scorn, she worked in various capacities for the Trumps from the 2015 campaign to the 2021 insurrection and thus saw some stuff. For instance, Trump in a meltdown over Stormy Daniels’ writing in her memoir that his penis was “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small,” and: “He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.” Which led to this scene on Air Force One, according to the Washington Post, which obtained a copy of Grisham’s book:

Trump behaved inappropriately with Grisham, too, she wrote — once calling her from Air Force One to assure her that his penis was not small or toadstool-shaped, as the porn star Stormy Daniels had alleged.

Elsewhere, we learn that Trump aides treated the president of the United States like a small child or adult with advanced dementia, who could be soothed by his favorite songs. Except they weren’t played via an iPhone or piped through the White House sound system but by a guy who, by the sound of it, followed Trump around the West Wing like some kind of piano-playing ghost in a haunted house. Per the New York Times:

At one point, she writes, Mr. Trump’s handlers designated an unnamed White House official known as the “Music Man” to play him his favorite show tunes, including “Memory” from “Cats,” to pull him from the brink of rage. (The aide, it is revealed later, is Ms. Grisham’s ex-boyfriend. She does not identify him, but it is Max Miller, a former White House official now running for Congress with Mr. Trump’s support.)

Yes, Cats. He’s truly a man of exquisite tastes, isn’t he? Other revelations from “I’ll Take Your Questions Now” include, allegedly:

• That Trump cuts his own hair with “a huge pair of scissors,” a claim we can believe;
• That at a meeting between the POTUS and Vladimir Putin in 2019, Trump told the president of Russia, “I’m going to act a little tougher with you for a few minutes. But it’s for the cameras, and after they leave we’ll talk. You understand,” which we can also believe;
• That Trump “became obsessed with a young, female press aide” and “constantly asked where the aide was during press events…and allegedly once requested that she be brought to his cabin on Air Force One so he could “look at her [behind]”;
• That aides had to lie to him about loaning Air Force One to George H.W. Bush’s family after he died because “dead bodies, death, sickness — those things really…creep him out.”

And that Melania Trump hates her husband just as much as everyone thinks. Per the Post:

The airing of Trump’s alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels is what “unleashed” Melania Trump to start publicly contradicting or ignoring her husband — trying to embarrass him as he had embarrassed her. She walked into his first State of the Union address arm-in-arm with a handsome military aide Grisham had hand-selected because, Melania said, the floors of the Capitol were too slippery. “I laughed to myself because I’d seen the woman navigate dirt roads in her heels,” Grisham writes.

And when Grisham drafted a tweet for Melania requesting privacy, saying she was concentrating on being a mother, wife and first lady, she had Grisham remove the word “wife.” What the scandal didn’t unleash was an emotional reaction. Grisham wrote that Melania Trump didn’t believe her husband’s denials of the affair, but essentially shrugged it all off:“This is Donald’s problem. He got himself into this mess. He can fix it by himself.”

Unsurprisingly, the former first couple is not thrilled with Grisham. “The intent behind this book is obvious,” Melania Trump’s office said in a statement earlier this month. “It is an attempt to redeem herself after a poor performance as press secretary, failed personal relationships, and unprofessional behavior in the White House. Through mistruth and betrayal, she seeks to gain relevance and money at the expense of Mrs. Trump.” A spokesperson for the ex-president told the press on Tuesday: “This book is another pitiful attempt to cash in on the President’s strength and sell lies about the Trump family.” She called Grisham “a disgruntled former employee” and said publishers “should be ashamed of themselves for preying on desperate people who see the short term gain in writing a book full of falsehoods.” The spokesperson did not comment on whether or not the toadstool claim is accurate. 

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Of course Jared and Ivanka tried to shove their way into a meeting with Queen Elizabeth

In addition to Melania and Donald, Grisham also has details to share about the president’s daughter and son-in-law, all of which sound like the Javanka we know. Per the Post:

[Grisham] is particularly negative about the president’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, and her husband Jared Kushner — both of whom held senior White House positions. She wrote that the first lady and White House staff called Ivanka “the Princess” who regularly invoked “my father” in work meetings, and Grisham dubbed Kushner “the Slim Reaper” for his habit of inserting himself into other people’s projects, making a mess and leaving them to take the blame.

Tellingly, Grisham writes that Ivanka and Jared tried to push their way into meeting Queen Elizabeth II alongside the president and first lady, a wild breach of protocol on a state visit, but were thwarted when they couldn’t fit into the helicopter. “I finally figured out what was going on,” Grisham writes. “Jared and Ivanka thought they were the royal family of the United States.”

This is a couple that took senior positions in the White House despite having no business being there, and reportedly wouldn’t let the people protecting their lives use one of their many toilets. So yeah, that checks out.

Just in case anyone was worried the anti-mask stuff was dying down…

But if he was, he’d probably determine the former guy is crazier than a shithouse mouse

Elsewhere!

Negotiations between Biden, Democrats intensify as $4 trillion agenda hits stalemate (Washington Post)

Treasury secretary tells Congress that U.S. will run out of debt ceiling flexibility on Oct. 18 (Washington Post)

Top US general calls Afghanistan troop withdrawal a “logistical success, but a strategic failure” (CNN)

Sen. Warren calls Fed Chair Powell a ‘dangerous man,’ says she will oppose his renomination (CNBC)

Fauci says data from NIH’s mix-and-match Covid vaccine booster trials will soon be ready (CNBC)

New York’s Covid-19 Vaccine Mandates Boost Dosage Rates (Bloomberg)

Pfizer, BioNTech tell FDA vaccine trial had favorable results in young children (Washington Post)

Trump Loses Case Over Ex-Aide Manigault Newman’s Tell-All Book (Bloomberg)

A Vending Machine for Steaks and Sausage? This Butcher Says Yes (Bloomberg)

“In tonight’s performance, the role of the duck will be played by a beet, doing things no root vegetable should be asked to do.” (NYT)

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