Trevor Noah was equal parts amused and outraged over the massive New York Times exposé on President Donald Trump’s taxes—particularly the revelation that Trump paid just $750 in federal income taxes in both 2016 and 2017. According to the Times, the president had paid no federal taxes in 10 of the prior 15 years before winning the White House.
“Hold on, hold on—the president of the country almost never pays taxes? And when he does, he only pays $750?” The Daily Show host said on Monday night. “Yo, that shit pisses me off. Because Trump is always out there like, ‘We’re building back our military.’ We? No, motherfucker. We’re building back the military—you didn’t pay for shit. If you didn’t chip in, you don’t get to put your name on the card.”
“And just for those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star,” Noah added, referencing Stormy Daniels, who was paid $130,000 by former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen after an alleged affair. “Which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do.”
Among the many disclosures unearthed by the New York Times in its reporting was that Trump spent $70,000 on his distinctive hairstyling while hosting The Apprentice, a service he wrote off as a business expense. “Now it looks like two crimes might have been committed here: One is Trump’s tax evasion, and two is whoever swindled Trump into paying $70,000 for what they did to him,” Noah joked. “On the other hand, though, $70,000 for Trump’s hair might actually make sense. Because whoever did that needed to bend the law of physics, and I’m pretty sure that ain’t cheap.”
As part of its reporting, the Times also discovered Trump apparently has more than $400 million in loans coming due within the next four years. “I don’t know about you, but that has me worried, because I don’t want the president’s decisions for the country getting influenced by his deep financial troubles,” Noah said. “And also because there’s a good chance that Trump is going to pay off his debt by selling off American treasures.” The host then imitated Trump: “How much will you guys give me for the Grand Canyon? It’s a priceless testament to nature’s majesty. I’ll let you have it for $400. $350? Deal.”