The first rule for not getting caught in an apparent extramarital affair by a seven-time Grammy winner on a Jumbotron screen in front of 66,000-ish people is, of course, to not engage in an apparent extramarital affair that can then be called out by a seven-time Grammy winner on a Jumbotron screen in front of 66,000-ish people. That’s what happened to two people who appear to be top executives at Boston-area tech company Astronomer earlier this week when they were gleefully ribbed from the stage by a no-fucks-given Chris Martin, frontman of Coldplay.
Coldplay stopped in at Gillette Stadium on Tuesday as part of the band’s Music of the Spheres tour, where we would say that a Kiss Cam moment turned awkward, but when is a Kiss Cam moment not awkward? Things went from cheesy to yikes when a middle-aged man and woman were caught swaying in classic Reverse Prom Pose. The pair’s identity has not been officially confirmed, but online gumshoes have done what they do best: He appears to be Astronomer CEO Andy Byron, and she’s Astronomer Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot (notably the only woman listed among leadership on the company’s website). Byron is married to someone—but it’s not Cabot, with whom he was canoodling.
Earlier reports called out another key guest star, Astronomer VP of Human Resources Alyssa Stoddard, as being also in attendance, though a representative for Astronomer has since corrected that information and issued a statement about the matter on social media.
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“Astronomer is committed to the values and culture that have guided us since our founding,” the statement read. “Our leaders are expected to set the standard in both conduct and accountability. The Board of Directors has initiated a formal investigation into this matter and we will have additional details to share very shortly. Alyssa Stoddard was not at the event and no other employees were in the video. Andy Byron has not put out any statement, reports saying otherwise are all incorrect.”
In the clip, Cabot quickly turned her back on the camera, and Byron really cheezed the whiz, oh-so-slooooooowly dropping to the ground and disappearing from frame inch by baby blue golf polo shirt-clad inch as Martin, from the stage, narrated the drama, as captured in a TikTok by concertgoer Grace Springer: “Oooh, look at these two! Alright, come on, you’re okay. Uh-oh, what? Either they’re having an affair, or they’re just very shy.”
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Springer told The Sun that she posted the clip because she thought it was an “interesting reaction” to seeing yourself on the screen.
“A part of me feels bad for turning these people’s lives upside down, but play stupid games… win stupid prizes,” she said.
They say lightning doesn’t strike twice, but in case you’re still looking to enjoy some throwback stadium hits with your secret boo-bear without getting outed by surprise omniscient narrator Chris Martin, please refer to the following employee handbook for guidance on best practices for canoodling with coworkers.
1. (Don’t) Dress the Part
If you simply must have date night with your Work Not-Wife, make an effort to ditch the corporate drag. The solution is obvious: Stock up on those mustache-glasses disguises—nobody’s gonna know! How would they know! Or take a cue from Leonardo DiCaprio at the Bezos-Sánchez wedding and pull a baseball cap over your whole-ass face. Presumably, you are not the beloved star of Titanic, and the effect would be inconspicuous. Who’s under that brim? Who actually cares.
2. Opt for the Cheap Seats
It’s time to be a baller on a budget. A luxury suite, guys? Was the food and beverage included, at least? Were those room-temperature mozzarella sticks worth it?