An Irish woman has gone viral on TikTok after sharing the honest reason behind her recent breakup with the father of her child.
Keelin Moncrieff, a YouTuber and podcast host who has a one-year-old daughter, recently posted a video to the platform which has been viewed over 550,000 times. She begins the video explaining that she’s about to do a ‘post breakup while my baby naps glow up’ and dye her red hair brown.
During the dyeing process, Moncrieff reveals that she and her partner split nearly two months ago.
“I obviously didn’t want to say anything when it was raw. Because I would have just said something stupid or cruel because I was in the height of my emotions,” she explains. “To be honest I haven’t really had the time or the space to feel the normal emotions that you go through with a break up, like I haven’t felt heartbroken or lonely or like a piece of shit or anything.”
She then explained the reason behind the breakup, saying she wishes there was a dramatic story but that there’s not.
“In the first year you have your baby, it’s extremely taxing and stressful and puts a huge strain on your relationship,” she says. “I think, just as a woman, I was constantly feeling like I was choosing between whether I was holding resentment or being a nag and to be honest I don’t want to do either of those things for the rest of my life. I’d rather just be alone than feel lonely in a relationship. I just wasn’t in the mood to play the role of a woman. I was already stripped of too much of my identity.”
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TikTok users were quick to label Moncrieff’s reasoning behind the breakup as ‘relatable’ and one person said it even changed their view on love.
“Going to pretend like this hasn’t changed my view on love,” they wrote, while another added: “I’m married with a baby around the same age. I understand those feelings so well, nag or resentment. It’s so hard, well done for putting you first.”
A third user said they had broken up with their partner for the same reason: “I broke up with my son’s dad for the exact same reason when he was three months old.. you can do this.”
“That is such an insightful decision to make! You’re so strong,” another added.
Moncrieff is just one of many women refusing to carry the mental load in a relationship. The mental load is particularly heaped on mums, who are often expected to organise playdates, come up with the grocery shopping list each week, know which chores need to be done when, what their kids eating schedules are (including what they like and don’t like) and keep an ongoing mental checklist of all the things that need to be done in the household.
In fact, a 2019 study found that women are much more likely to anticipate and manage what needs to be done in the household than men. A separate 2023 study of 4,500 women found that 71% of women feel like it’s their ‘job’ to worry about and think through all potential scenarios should something bad happen.
Being in a partnership is all about sharing the load equally, which is the only way to stop the nagging or resentment feeling that Moncrieff was feeling. So, men: your partner is not your mother. Do better.