Long before they filmed for 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way or began in-person surveillance of each other, Brandan and Mary’s twisted obsession showed itself in other ways.
Viewers have already seen more than enough of them to feel concerned.
But there’s more to this than 24/7 video monitoring and intense jealousy in both directions.
In a newly resurfaced video, we can see their hurtful emotional “mind games” play out.
Before Brandan De Nuccio and Mary Rosa signed up for 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way, they were just a pair of (elder) Gen Z kids in love.
In love … but already requiring each other to video chat at all times. And both given to fits of extreme jealousy and paranoia.
That is perhaps more evident in a TikTok video that Mary posted herself than it is on the show. We’ll talk about why the show isn’t like this in a moment.
In the clip, Mary simply turned off the camera while on a video call (when is she not) with Brandan.
This meant that she could watch him — but he could not watch her.
She filmed her phone on a second device, recording his reaction when he could suddenly no longer see her.
Brandan paused his eating, and she asked if he was “mad.”
He said that he was not — initially, anyway.
And he admitted that he was “overthinking” everything in the moment.
The recording, which seems to be from May of 2022, then shows Mary seem to taunt Brandan.
She asked why he couldn’t see her. In response, he pouted, reminding her that she’d told him that she had turned off her camera.
He then demanded to know why she had turned off the camera. Did she not want him to see her?
“I want to, but I’m not pretty right now. I’m a mess now,” Mary responded. This was seemingly a lie.
Brandan became visibly upset, seeming to shake the camera while he spoke to her.
“I want to f–king see you. You’re not ugly. Don’t say that s–t,” he demanded. “It’ll make me mad if you say that.”
She then encouraged Brandan to go back to eating his food. He refused, since she was not eating.
Mary encouraged Brandan, who was standing in a kitchen, to “eat [his] food,” though he refused because she wasn’t eating her own food.
Social media users, starting with TikToker Duuses who spotted the video on the algorithmic nightmare app, discussed how effed up this was.
First and foremost, people remarked on how toxic this “manipulative, emotional mind game thing” was.
It’s worse than just 24/7 surveillance. Because it’s surveillance with unhinged emotional spirals if the surveillance pauses at any time.
Then there’s Mary doing this on purpose to see and record a rise out of Brandan. It’s a bad look for them both.
Second, it’s a reminder that what we see on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way is on-camera behavior, after editing.
Just because Brandan seems like a victim of Mary’s insecurities on screen does not mean that the reverse is not also true.
A number of viewers might be surprised to see this kind of instant mood swing from Brandan. He and Mary are both two sides of this very toxic coin.
So, why isn’t this what we’re seeing from them on the show?
Well, for one thing, they both know that they’re on camera during the show.
Obviously, they act up on the show. Mary cried over Brandan talking to his dental hygienist and acknowledging that he dated once before.
But when you’re an unreasonable person, you have a skewed idea of what’s normal to do on camera.
In this moment, on TikTok, Brandan thought that Mary was simply watching him.
He didn’t know that she was recording him. So he was, perhaps, at his most honest and unfiltered.
Of course, some fans of the show have managed to convince themselves that this relationship’s toxicity is one-sided. That Mary is the sole problem.
But actually, no, that’s not the truth.
Many audience members have issues with racism, xenophobia, and most of all, 90 Day Fiance‘s infamous misogyny problem. The show’s editing caters to that.
While it’s true that Brandan and Mary’s relationship sounds like the basis for a psychological thriller or at least a Lifetime movie, they’re not evil people.
But what they have is extremely unhealthy and toxic. And it’s destructive — not just to their other relationships and careers, but to themselves.
We would like to see things improve for them. It would be impressive if something beautiful sprouts from their twisted obsession.