Gaslighting has been drawn on as an important form of abuse to look out for in numerous fictional and reality TV shows from Bling Empire to Love Island.
And with Love Island season ten back on our screens, attention has turned to the behaviour of the current batch of islanders – with some fans questioning whether Mitchel was gaslighting partner Molly in a recent episode.
After Molly spent time getting to know bombshell Zachariah, Mitchel later climbed into bed with Molly and told her: “Okay so after the conversation… you should get to know Zach and we’re completely done. Do not talk to me after tonight, okay?”
Over on Twitter, viewers noted Mitchel’s ‘red flag’ behaviour, with some fans referring to it as gaslighting and ‘love bombing’. Others, however, have accused Molly and Zach of gaslighting Mitch with their own actions.
So… it’s worth getting back to basics and simply asking the question: what exactly is gaslighting?
It’s easy for words like this to get lost in the zeitgeist and bogged down in our daily conversations, losing the meaning it really deserves. But it’s never been more important to not only be aware of this form of emotional abuse, but how to recognise and navigate it, as well as its long term impact.
Couples and relationship expert Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari has given GLAMOUR the full lowdown on gaslighting.
What is gaslighting?
“Gaslighting is a specific form of repeated, psychologically-manipulative behaviours in which the recipient starts to question their own reality, feelings, memory, perceptions, and at worst their sanity,” Ben-Ari explains.
“The manipulator uses misleading behaviours such as labelling the recipient as ‘overreacting’ or ‘too sensitive’, and questioning the recipient’s memory. When confronted by the recipient about their behaviour, the gaslighter might pretend not to understand, to forget, deny what happened, refuse to listen, lie, shift blame, avoid the recipient’s questions, spread rumours, all with the purpose of creating a false narrative that dismantle’s the recipient’s self-belief.
“This behaviour happens at the same time as they express love for the recipient, and say how much they care for them.”
The term “gaslighting” is thought to have originated from the storyline of a 1938 play called Gaslight where a husband, guilty of a murder, tries to hide this fact from his wife by slowly making her believe she is going insane.
It’s quite eerie to relate the rather scary, horror-like behaviour with the everyday actions of a manipulator, but it’s undeniable. The protagonist hears strange noises in the attic – which are tell-tale signs of her husband’s duplicity – but it is made like these are signs of her losing her mind, instead of a darker truth.
The reason for the name Gaslight is quite chilling – this manipulative husband incrementally lowers the gaslights in their home, trying to convince her that she is the only one who sees this.
It’s really quite disgusting and disturbing to see that a story such as this plays out in modern relationships to this day.
How can gaslighting occur?
According to experts, it’s all down to a power dynamic. The perpetrator (or manipulator) will hold enough power that the victim will be too scared to step out of said dynamic, for fear of losing the relationship.