There are some things in life you should keep to yourself. Friends, I’m about to share one such instance where professional conservative dunderheads got together to try to have one of those manufactured “viral” moments of forced levity meant to prove to the world they are fun, normal people and not monsters hell-bent on ruining the world. Naturally, it involves Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh because they’re everywhere and I’m starting to suspect those guys don’t have real jobs? (It might pay well but we’re not going to call right-wing grifter a “real job.”)
Hold on to your permanent presses folks, because what I’m about to share will neither shock, awe, nor delight you. Conservative men are about to admit they do not know how to do laundry. Shocker.
To set the clip up a little more, four conservative guys from The Daily Wire, Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles, and Andrew Klavin play a game where they answer whether they would rather do the dishes or the laundry, and then their wives answer the same question. They get points if the answers align. I don’t need to tell you that hilarity misogyny ensues, and no one wins here:
Holy traditional gender roles, Batman!
If you didn’t watch the video (and I definitely don’t blame you) all the men declared they hate all housework. Guess what! We all do! We still do it. Getting on Al Gore’s internet and declaring to the world you’re incompetent, and you don’t know basic housekeeping skills sure if a flex. I just don’t think it’s the one they intended. All the men also confirmed that they don’t just hate doing laundry—they don’t even know how it’s done.
This is so perplexing because conservative grifting is very lucrative. This is well documented. So we can safely conclude that each of these men has enough money to afford their own washer and dryer in their home. With that in mind, I simply cannot wrap my head around the fact that none of them know how to do their own laundry?!
Sirs, Danny Tanner (a Baby Boomer I might add) was on the air over 30 years ago. You have had men modeling basic housekeeping in American society for that long. Additionally, there is no secret to throwing clothes into a metal hole, putting the cycle on cold, chucking a tide pod in there (pro tip, don’t eat it. Or you know what, it’s you. Do.), and calling it day. It is no more complicated than that. I simply cannot wrap my head around how a machine that is designed to do basically all the work for you, is beyond the comprehension of four men. Not only that, but they are proudly laughing about how the act of doing laundry is so mystifying to them, they go without clean clothes rather than spend 30 seconds going on YouTube and asking its almighty oracle “how to do laundry.” One would rather call up his wife on her vacation—during what I’m sure is well-deserved time off from him—to ask her!
Are conservative men OK? I don’t ask that in a rhetorical manner because if I had gotten well into my adulthood, and I had never learned a basic life skill, I need you to understand that the CIA, the FBI, and the NSA would never get that out of me. I would simply take this knowledge to my grave, or, you know, learn to do the f*cking laundry. A skill I have had since I was about seven.
Also, what sociopath says they’d rather do the dishes? If you do the dishes right, you always get that horrible wet spot on your shirt right at your waist. Doing the dishes takes longer. It’s smellier, you have to scrub out the sink after you do them. Laundry smells better, is easier, and folding is a cinch. Just ignore the fitted sheets. I do.
What I’m getting hung up on is—these simpletons are the ones who want to tell us how to think and act and they don’t know how to do the laundry. In the immortal words of Nelson Muntz: HA HA.
(featured image: Jason Kempin/Getty Images)
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