In a sense, the news that Jenelle Evans is collaborating with a marijuana dispensary is the least surprising story of the year.
After all, Evans’ relationship with weed is the longest one she’s ever been in by far.
Add to that the fact that Evans just flew across the country to visit the dispensary in the middle of a pandemic, and today’s announcement becomes even more of a no-brainer.
But in another sense, it’s very surprising that the Burnt River Farms Cannabis Farms is willing to do business with Jenelle Evans.
You see, the problem is, now their business’ name will be mentioned right alongside Jenelle’s — all over the internet, every single day.
And that’s a problem for a whole bunch of reasons.
We’ll start with the obvious — Jenelle is a racist, child-neglecting, animal-abusing monster.
The weird thing is, the people at Burnt River already know that.
It’s the reason they decided to cancel a scheduled meet-and-greet with Jenelle last month.
And yet, they decided to do business with Jenelle, anyway.
Like, we said — it’s more than a little surprising.
Anyway, Jenelle made her big announcement on YouTube today in what might be the world’s most depressing commercial.
Clocking in at just over 20 minutes, the clip opens with Jenelle in her bathroom (of course), and after showing us what it looks like when David trims his nose hairs (we kid you not), she announces her latest get rich quick scheme:
It seems that Evans has worked with the folks at Burnt River to develop a new cannabis-based moisturizer.
It’s an odd time to announce the project, considering the current allegation that Jenelle has been selling mold-infested makeup to her fans.
But we guess she’s moving on from those fungal eyebrow kits and focusing on the future.
And apparently, the future is weed-based face cream.
Weirdly, she’s sort of plagiarizing her biggest rival style with this one, as Kailyn Lowry has been selling weed-based beauty products for years.
But hey, at this point, we guess Jenelle has no choice but to do business with anyone who’s willing to do business with her.
We probably don’t need to tell you that Jenelle’s little infomercial is the most boring thing on Earth, so we’ll hit you with a quick rundown to speare you the pain of watching it yourself:
1. Jenelle and David are desperate for cash.
2. Jenelle’s esophageal spasms have been magically cured.
3. Jenelle heard the words “the land” in a “rap song” recently, and she really thinks it’s a reference to her.
In a way, that last part is strangely perfect.
Like this project — and like Jenelle herself — it’s both hilarious and sad at the same time.
When it comes to Jenelle Evans, you really can’t make this stuff up — and even if you could, who would want to?