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It seems everyone is taking on a new project under lockdown, from banana bread to learning French. I decided to go a slightly different route.
I went to Orgasm School.
OK, disclaimer, it’s not technically called that. What I did do, was sign up for a virtual sex masterclass with clinical sexologist and director of education for sexual wellness brand Satisfyer, Megwyn White.
The class was in the form of a lecture, followed by a Q&A with Megywyn. She started off the class playing ‘Love Train’ by The O’Jays and getting us all to dance around in our little Zoom squares- to loosen us up. I spied all women on the call- and no couples- which made the class very focused on female sexuality- a huge plus point! After dancing, however, Megwyn said we could switch our cameras off if we were self conscious, something everyone did. Looks like, Love Train or not, its still a bunch of shy Brits…
Though I am fortunate in that I don’t tend to struggle with orgasm, I also don’t know that much about them. I find there is a huge gap in our knowledge of the female orgasm – and that’s not just from clueless men, but women too. So my interest in the class was to find out how a little learning could optimise my O.
And…what I learnt was not just zoom (call) to boom, but just how amazing and varied the female orgasm is, how to upgrade it, and crucially- how vital sexual wellness is in the midst of a global pandemic.
So, get comfortable kiddies, and let me pass on my newfound sexual wisdom…
Your Clitoris is bigger than you think….
Understanding female anatomy is key to achieving the best orgasms and yet so many of us have not done our lady-bits homework. It’s not just as simple as knowing where the clitoris is. In fact, the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to female sexuality- a fact Megwyn illustrated hilariously by showing us an image of the glans clitoris (that’s the little button bit you can see) as an actual iceberg tip with the Titanic cruising towards it. What lies beneath the surface is the REAL heart of the ocean (sorry Jack and Rose); a rather large sex organ (around 10cm to be precise) which can become erect in its own way- just like a penis. It flanks the vaginal canal and can- fun fact- actually grow as you get older.
What happens in ‘Vagus’ stays in ‘Vagus…’
No, that’s not a spelling mistake. The Vagus nerve is a neurological plexus that connects your brain, heart, lungs and- interestingly- your digestive system. All of this also connects to your sexual organs, meaning your whole body – not just your clitoris- have a part to play in your orgasm. For example, your ‘amygdala’ brain), plays a huge role in both sexual arousal and emotional processing, so when overly triggered by fear or anxiety (like, say, a global pandemic) it can inhibit sexual arousal, and triggers the “fight/flight” response.
Ever feel ‘not in the mood’? That’s your amygdala at work…
So, the Vagus nerve to the rescue! It is responsible for supporting relaxation in the body, and getting us out of the “fight or flight” state which ruins your orgasm (boo). And when you feel that release of tension through the body? That’s a current of sexual electricity, an ‘orgasmic current,’ going through the Vagus nerve! How to work with your Vagus nerve? Well…
…your ‘sex noises’ may actually be important…
…but there’s a big difference between the noises you may hear in porn, or may feel compelled to make in a performative way for your partner. The voice can play a role in helping to trigger the orgasm via it’s connection to the vagus nerve (told ya). The sound of the voice when expressed viscerally can increase the connections within the body and it can relax your nervous system to experience orgasm. Megwyn calls this connecting to the prosody of your voice- that’s the ups and downs, the rhythms, the tonality and range- those sounds can connect you to your nervous system, to that Vagus nerve. So try out which sounds make you feel connected, play around with volume and different kinds of sound.
…and don’t forget to breathe…
Just like your voice, Megwyn taught us that breath is one of the most powerful ways to connect to your body. Breathing deep into your diaphragm (like the breathing you do in yoga) can help trigger a slowing down of your heart rate at the beginning of sexual response to allow your orgasm to hit, and this breath also supports circulation of blood to the sex organs, because when you breathe you’re actually massaging your clitorus through tension and release. Who knew?
You can have a ‘blended orgasm’…
What’s this, you ask? Well, the blended orgasm is basically a fancy term for saying you’ll get the most out of your orgasm, by getting the most out of your sexual organs. This means stimulation of both the vaginal canal and external clitoris to trigger this state. Dual stimulation – either orally or digitally from a partner, or with a toy, or your own fingers if masturbating- helps to excite the area above and below the clitoris, known as the urethral sponge and the perineal sponge, along with the clitoris itself. If you focus your attention on all of these areas, you orgasm intensifies, and may be why its collectively known as the G-spot.
Think of it like the best sponge cake ever…
It also means embracing all of the aspects we’ve been discussing- breathing, using tones of your voice, thinking about connecting that Vagus nerve. The same way we centre our body in meditation or yoga, we should be approaching our orgasms like this, and remembering that our whole body works for our orgasm, not just our downstairs lady department.
An orgasm will help you through lockdown
As if you needed further proof that an orgasm is pretty damn great; it goes ahead and improves your mental health. I know, I know….it really is too good.
Sex, and sexual self-care, are creeping into the wellness bracket more and more. In fact, Feel Unique say they saw a 115% increase in searches for ‘sexual wellness’ last year. Research from Boots, shows that 60% of women believe sexual activity (solo or otherwise) can impact your mood for the better, and 80% think it increases self-confidence.
Because the fact is, when you reach climax, even when you engage in sexual activity or sexual self-care, your body really does release chemicals which encourage mental wellbeing, something we need more than ever right now.
One of these is dopamine; a chemical you may have heard of before, one that is directly linked to pleasure – but it’s also linked to motivation to learn, so can be excellent for furloughed workers keen to get into something new. So, the more orgasms you have, the more likely you are to learn a new skill in lockdown!
Serotonin is another familiar name that orgasms let loose upon your body. This chemical helps stabilise your mood- super useful right now, when our Coronamotions are all over the place- and it also helps us feel connected to others, something we are desperately in need of. It works with another chemical called Oxytocin, sometimes known as “the love hormone.” But you don’t need to be in love with anyone to feel its benefits- the act of self-love is enough to achieve the same relaxing effect on our bodies, as well as boosting our empathy- so we’ll be less annoyed at our mum when she can’t figure out how to use House Party.
…it’s also good for your immunity
You may as well go ahead and write yourself a prescription for an orgasm, because that sexual prize fund is proven to have great physical health benefits. Endorphins released by orgasm are not just good for your mood (they’re what give you that happy feeling after you workout…so I’m told by people I know who exercise) but they are also a natural pain reliever. Megwyn informs us that orgasms are also healthy for your heart, and several studies suggest that women who experience more orgasms (through sex or masturbation) are less susceptible to heart disease or even type- 2 diabetes.
Plus- remember Oxytocin? When it’s released with another chemical, prolactin, at orgasm, it triggers relaxation, which helps you sleep. Increased orgasms = increased sleep and, as we know, sleep is incredibly good for your body. Specifically, it reduces inflammation, as well as supporting overall immune health and well-being. Kinda handy in a pandemic.
…and your brain
I know, I’m spoiling you with all this, but MRI studies have revealed that up to 80 regions of the brain get activated with orgasm. Yup. Also, this research shows that women who masturbate have shown higher activation in the subcortical and cortical regions of the brain, which are responsible for higher thinking and planning. That’s A LOT of WFH fuel right there…
You can incorporate masturbation into your self-care routine- and here’s how
Sexual wellness is- as you can see- so much more important than just getting your yayas. So, when we’re feeling more stressed and anxious than ever, incorporating masturbation and sexual breathing and grounding techniques into your self-care can be crucial. That could be working it into that morning yoga routine or doing it before you have a bath at night. It won’t be too much of a stretch, considering recent stats show that women in the UK masturbate on average 2.5 times a week and our very own GLAMOUR survey on the subject, revealed that 92% of you do it- with an impressive 79% of you, viewing it as self-care.
You go, girls.
Interestingly, while most people tend to lie down in bed to masturbate, Megwyn advises to sit up, preferably on a chair, with your legs wide. That will help connect you to that vagus nerve. A gentle rocking motion can also help. Movement can support the flow of orgasmic energy by providing the nerves space particularly around the pelvic floor, and supports the flow of blood to the sex organs. Finding the right position for your body during sexual self care, can basically improve your chances at having orgasm.
AND…it works
So, armed with all of my new knowledge from Megwyn, I decided to try a blended orgasm myself. It’s a tough job, guys, but someone has to do it….
In the week since my masterclass, I have tried incorporating sexual self care into my routine, sitting in a chair to do so, as recommended and which dramatically increased the intensity of the orgasm. I’ve also been using these connecting breathing and prosody of voice techniques during sex. The results have been very positive, and have helped me to understand the role my whole body plays in my orgasm. Having more awareness of this connection has made orgasms that bit more heightened. I have also recognised the hugely positive effect this has on my mood and my mental health- something so important during this very tense and stressful.
So, ladies, go forth and practice some sexual wellness during lockdown.
I promise you, it’s way better than banana bread.