There have been countless shows and series throughout television history that centered around the premise of secret, special agents but none of them have had quite the same comedic effect as the animated, dark-comedy Archer.
While Sterling Archer may be the best secret agent in the world, his actual IQ doesn’t exactly have the same reputation as his career does. But since the ISIS agency and the team behind the world’s greatest secret agent are known more for their hilarity than their secret-agent-skills, there are bound to be a few broken bulbs in the chandelier. Here’s a list of every main character of Archer ranked by intelligence.
10 Cheryl/Carol Tunt
If you couldn’t predict this one, you’re as stupid as Carol (or is it Cheryl?) because this fiery red-head is the clear choice for the least intelligent main character. Serving as the secretary to Malory for the majority of the series, Carol/Cheryl was the hot-tempered, unpredictable heiress to the Tunt fortune who’s only real part to play was making things more difficult for the other main characters. Don’t get us wrong, this is a comedy and Carol/Cheryl is hilarious, but nobody said a character had to be smart to be hilarious.
9 Pam Poovey
Right behind Carol/Cheryl is the other comedic-relief female of the main ensemble whose job was to make everybody’s life more difficult. Seriously, the only difference between these two characters was that Pam was occasionally meant to be used as the muscle (especially if she was drugged up on copious amounts of cocaine) and Carol/Cheryl was used as the damsel-in-distress or the bait (or sometimes the money since she was a billionaire). Same as Carol/Cheryl, we have no hate for Pam since the two make for one hell of a comedic-duo – she’s just not the smartest.
8 Cyril Figgis
Cyril may be book-smart, but he lands such a low ranking on our list for the same reason that Sterling Archer takes the next spot despite being the greatest secret agent in the world – they both completely lack a certain type of intelligence. In Figgis’s case, it’s his common sense and inability to analyze situations. When it comes to being in the office, Figgis runs numbers better than anybody, but anytime he was forced to go out into the field and engage with an actual mission or adversaries, he was nothing more than a colossal screw-up.
7 Sterling Archer
As we just stated, Cyril got a low ranking on our list for having next-to-no instinctive intelligence and analyzing everything like a computer – Sterling Archer, the show’s main character and anti-hero protagonist, receives the same treatment because he only has instinctive intelligence and lacks any ability to learn something if he has to put in more than minimal effort. There were plenty of times throughout the series where the show’s titular character got himself into trouble that he simply could’ve avoided if he had stopped and thought the situation through, or tried to use his brain instead of his muscles and guns.
6 Woodhouse
We’re trying to be lenient with this ranking since Woodhouse could technically be the smartest member of this entire cast, but because we see so little of him (and because he’s constantly being emasculated and put-down by Sterling) we never really get a chance to see his full potential. Of course, Woodhouse’s backstory was explored a few times in the series and it was revealed that he was a soldier in World War I and II and was there to help birth Sterling into the world and raised him from the time he was a young boy. He had quite an adventurous life and most likely could’ve ranked higher on this list – if only we’d gotten to know him a little bit more. R.I.P Woodhouse.
5 Ray Gillete
While everybody else in the ISIS agency seems to have a set role and job title, Ray is the only person who really seems to do it all. He occasionally goes out into the field and helps Archer and Lana on missions; he’ll stick around in the office and do all the analytical computer stuff with Figgis, and he’s been known to have a breakdown or two and have no problem partying it up with Pam and Carol/Cheryl. He was ISIS’ multi-tool, always prepared and ready to do anything no matter what the job was, which is why he gets the middle-ranking on our list.
4 Barry Dillon
To be fair, Barry probably wouldn’t have gotten such a high ranking if he weren’t a human-cyborg, but that’s hearsay since that’s exactly what he is – a human cyborg. The former ISIS agent turned evil-Robocop has made numerous appearances throughout the show as one of Sterling Archer’s main antagonists after Sterling dropped Barry from multiple rooftops during missions. The should-be-dead agent ended up coming back and has made Archer’s life hell ever since, but Archer has gotten the better of the cyborg on more than one occasion which is why Barry slips out of the top 3.
3 Mallory Archer
She may be a bitter, old hag, but you can’t deny that Malory Archer has quite a brain rattling around her noggin. The woman who brought the world’s greatest secret agent into the world may also be one of the most neglectful mothers in fictitious history, but that doesn’t stop her from doing absolutely everything within her power to get the results that she wants. She was the CEO of the ISIS Agency during the shows first several seasons and you don’t get to be CEO of a company without being at least a little intelligent.
2 Lana Kane
Sterling Archer might be the world’s greatest secret agent, but Lana made sure to let him know that she was never far behind him. Lana was the whole package – where Sterling lacked analytical intelligence, she more than excelled as her parents (a biochemist and a professor at UC Berkeley) pressured her to succeed from a very young age. But after deciding not to go for a Ph.D. and become a secret agent instead, Lana made it clear that her intelligence was still one of her best traits. The show may claim that Sterling is the world’s greatest secret agent, but we all know who really owns that title.
1 Dr. Krieger
He may not be an actual doctor (the medical kind or the other kind) but that doesn’t stop the mad-scientist, Dr. Krieger, from taking the top spot on our list. Krieger has proven time and time again throughout the series that he’s capable of succeeding at experiments that other scientists wouldn’t dare try (or come up with in their worst nightmares). He may not always use the most conventional methods, and he may have inherited his intelligence from his father who was a former Nazi, but Krieger rightfully earns the spot of the most intelligent main character on Archer.
